Signs

Signs. I don’t ask for them, but I see them. Coincidences seem to abound in my life lately. I can’t remember all of them, but they are there.

And those I do remember are so profound that I can’t stop thinking about them and meditating on them. As profound as they are, they are also very subtle.

I was driving Mom home from LA on Tuesday the week before Easter. I was really tired and my mind was starting to wander. Mom asked me if I would say the Divine Mercy chaplet with her, as it was the 3 O’clock hour. I said yes with a sigh, thinking, “OK, I’ll do it out of respect for Mom”, but I really don’t feel like it. I’m soooo tired.” And so we began—“In the Name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” Then we recited the Our Father, a Hail Mary, and the Apostle’s Creed. Mom began the first Praise—“Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ…” To which I was to have replied “In atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.” But just as Mom had said “Our Lord Jesus Christ” we drove by a meadow where there were several sheep grazing with small lambs in attendance, and I immediately thought of the Lamb of God. Here we were, offering the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of the Lamb of God to the Father, and I get a visual! I was so taken aback by the revelation that I stumbled on my response to Mom and she had to remind me what it should be! I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. But at the same time, I felt rejuvenated and committed to reciting the chaplet with as much love for our Lord as I could muster. It also reminded me that I should get to confession as soon as possible and apologize to God for sinning through my own fault, in what I had done and in what I had failed to do.

The 4 days immediately preceding this drive with Mom, Marilyn the girls and I had been in New York for a short sightseeing trip and to see a couple of Broadway plays. As we were walking along 5th Avenue in the morning on the way to Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, we passed by a young man who was obviously cold. I thought, “Dear God, if this guy is still out here when we pass this way again, I’m going to give him my gloves.” Talk is cheap. Strike one. Not only that, but by the time Mass was over, I had already forgotten to look for him on the way back. Strike two. Later on in the day, we were walking back to the hotel for the evening after a long day of sightseeing, and I saw a woman bundled up against the cold, looking almost dead lying on the sidewalk. Many people were walking by very quickly, appearing not to notice her. It was like she was just part of the landscape. But did I do anything? For a fleeting moment, I thought I should see if she was all right and maybe buy her a cup of soup or something. But did I? No, I picked up my pace to try to catch up to the girls, who were crossing the street about 50 feet in front of me. Strike three. From this point on in the trip, I really felt bad about my obvious lack of compassion. For all of my noble thoughts of loving my neighbor as myself, I showed a complete disdain for what Christ called the Greatest Commandment. I think that both of these unfortunate people were placed in my path for me to recognize as Jesus, and I failed our Lord’s test.
So on Tuesday, when I saw those lambs in the meadow, I was so sorry for having failed Christ that I almost cried and didn’t feel worthy enough to be speaking to Him. At the same time I felt so overwhelmed with gratitude because even though I had denied Him (3 times! ---another coincidence?) earlier that week, He was letting me know that He loves me and will afford me His perfect mercy if I just ask. In fact, I feel like crying now just writing about it. I hope He gives me the opportunity to serve Him again and I hope I am up to the task next time.