Aunt Barbara's suffering will earn her "Special" attention from our Father

When I was a kid, I remember actually feeling jealous when my brother Tom would do something dumb and hurt himself badly enough to have to go to the hospital or the doctor to get stitches. Maybe it was the attention he got from Mom and Dad. This is not to say I didn't get attention from them--I just didn't get that "extra" loving that Tom got simply because he was accident-prone. I remember this feeling because I keep thinking of the suffering Mom has gone through in her life and the strength she seems to get from it. She's had several miscarriages, lost her husband and two children and (if memory serves) 4 younger siblings, yet she continues to gain strength from each of these tragedies. It is her faith that sustains her. I can only hope to have the same level of faith. And it's not just Mom. Other relatives, who have gone on to see our Savior face to face and who I consider very close personal saints--Aunt Jenny, Aunt Teresa, and this week--Aunt Barbara were all very special, very devout Catholics who suffered greatly while on this earth and were (and continue to be) a great example to me. My brothers (Tom included) are also examples of great faith through suffering. Therein lies my dilemma--compared to all of these great Catholics, I have NEVER had to endure the suffering they have. I have not had my faith tested in the manner they have. Despite the fact that there have been times that I have turned away from our Lord out of ignorance or hubris, or anger, He keeps sending the Holy Spirit to keep my faith alive, even when I feel I don't deserve it (and He knows I'm grateful). Today's readings are related to this in a way. For example, Mom, my aunts and uncles and brothers are all listening to Jesus when, after one of His disciples says "I will follow, you Lord, but first let me say goodbye to my family" or "Let me bury my dead", He says “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.” They have kept their eyes on the pearl of great price in the manner of Job, who kept his faith in the Almighty even after losing EVERYTHING! I am looking back to see where I went wrong and why I can't have this GIFT of suffering. In a way, I am jealous of the suffering they have endured, because I know that it will earn them "special" attention from our Heavenly Father and His Son. Just as I was jealous of the extra attention Tom received when we were children. On the other hand, I am at times scared that I will have to suffer as greatly as these family saints, and I'm afraid I won't be up to the task. Please pray for me, as I try to pray for each of you.