Love, just love

Today--Friday--the Sorrowful Mysteries
Tomorrow--Saturday--the Joyful Mysteries

You may notice that I didn't write a blog yesterday. I started my day at 6 am with Mass. I thought I was going to go to Fresno immediately afterward to train someone in a new procedure, but she wasn't due in until 2 pm so I postponed leaving until after lunch. Traffic was terrible! I think Highway 99 may finally get completed by the next millenium. I have been traveling that road pretty regularly for over 12 years and I have never seen it free of Cal-Trans workers in one stretch or another. And they can't just work off the shoulder. If it's a two lane part of the highway, they need one lane. If it's a 3 lane highway, they need 2 of them. And to top it all off, they only give about 1/8 mile warning that the lanes will be reduced, so it backs up traffic for a mile or two.

Anyway, I got to Fresno and completed my training session. My plan was to leave Fresno about 6 pm, stop to get a bite to eat, and be home by 9 or 9:30. That would have been a 15 hour day--pretty normal--tiring--but normal.

All was going according to plan. I came out of the restaurant about 7:30, got into the truck I was driving, and pulled on the headlight switch. My luck when I transfer trucks being what it is, the whole activator pin came out of the dash and I had no headlights! I had to call for our roadside assistance and I didn't get the truck fixed until 11:30! It wasn't too bad... I ran the engine for a while and listened to a couple of programs on EWTN on the radio, and said a couple of rosaries for some of my family members' special intentions while waiting for the mechanic.

I didn't get home until 1:30 this morning. I tried to write a blog, but I was just too tired. So my thinking was that I would post two today. Well, that didn't work either, because I had another long day today! So you're all going to have to suffer through a couple of thoughts that (I think) pertain to both today's and tomorrow's readings.

I was just looking at the picture of Christ, the Good Shepherd that I posted a couple of days ago. It reminds me of something I used to do when I was probably too old to be doing it, but shows the love my parents had for me and gave me great comfort knowing it.

One night when I was probably about 4 years old, I fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. (Yes, we did have a TV back then, even though it was small and only black and white.) When the program we were watching was over, my dad came over and scooped me up in his arms and carried me to my bed and tucked me in. It was a very "safe" and loving feeling that I remember to this day. I've never told anyone this but for a long time (probably a couple of years) after that, I "pretended" to be asleep many times simply so Dad would pick me up and tuck me in. (Now that I'm much older and "wiser" [lol] I know that my parents knew I was pretending).

Now that I've written it, I can hear the "Awwwww, isn't that cute?" But I don't care. The feeling of safety and love when my dad picked me up and tucked me in is the same feeling I get at Mass. I think that's why I love going. The Liturgy of the Word encourages me with love, and the Eucharist provides the feeling that I'm safe, with Christ abiding in me.

Have you ever read Holy Scripture and didn't have a clue about what was being said? Sometimes it isn't that the core message is so difficult to understand, or the lesson so far removed from our experience or understanding of human nature, but that our current state of mind and preoccupations render us incapable at the moment to assimilate a meaningful message.

Today's Gospel presents just such a challenge to me. I'm too tired, too consumed by other things to even have the desire, much less the energy and intellect to process a cogent thought.

It is in times like this that we come to realize how little we can depend on our own attributes and how completely dependent we are on God's mercy and grace to illumine and direct us. These are the moments when God can really be God - when we let go and say, 'Lord, I can do no more.' In truth we haven't done anything that God's grace hasn't allowed us the choice and the gifts to accomplish.

Like Jesus on the Cross we must surrender, not just in moments of obvious weakness, but always, even when we seem strong and in control. 'Father - it is finished - into Your hands I commend my Spirit'.

That doesn't mean we give up and stop trying. Quite the contrary, it means that we seek always and in every way, the opportunity and the grace to accomplish all that God wills for us.

Let us, for now, leave behind all need to know and understand, and instead just love - just love.