When Alicia was in 2nd or 3rd grade she came to me and asked me something I will never forget—“Daddy, how come you and Mom don’t argue and fight like a lot of the other kids’ parents?” I told her it was because we love each other very much and didn’t have much to argue about. That settled it. I didn’t ever have to answer the question again.
Now that she’s getting married, I want her (and the world) to know what I think has made my love for her Mom better and greater every day since we got married in the hopes that her marriage to Lorenzo becomes as strong and loving as ours is. Alicia’s wedding this Saturday has had me prayerfully considering my love for Marilyn (and thanking God for her!) in the past few weeks and why I think our marriage has been a happy one. I think it’s because we never approached it simply as just something a man and woman do when they “have feelings” for one another. Rather, we take our vows and the promises we made to each other and to God very seriously, even on those rare occasions when we do have disagreements or get mildly angry at one another.
The way I see it, the three virtues of faith, hope and charity are the cornerstone of any marriage in the Persons of the Trinity. Marilyn and I, either consciously or unconsciously (and “prodded” by the Holy Spirit), have used this foundation since day one.
In the Scriptures the relationship between God and God's people is often described in terms of a marriage. The early Christians, reflecting on Christ's love for us, also used this image. Christ and the Church embrace in mutual love and self-giving, even as do husband and wife (see, for example, Ephesians 5:21-33). "'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Faith is where it begins. Not only a faith in God, but in one another. We will each make mistakes—it’s what makes us human. The challenge in a marriage is to remember to give our partner the benefit of any doubts and believe that he is not acting out of selfishness but out of a concern for what is right for the union. The word “fidelity” is derived from “faith”. We sometimes forget that it takes three persons to make a marriage; a man, a woman, and God. That’s why Jesus elevated marriage to a Sacrament—bringing the Eternal Father into the relationship provides us (through prayer) with an arbiter to help us see more clearly the path back to agape love. That’s why including Him in the marriage is very important.
Hope is important to keep the flames of love alive. We each have to share our hopes and dreams often by speaking “with” one another instead of “at” one another. Obviously we already agreed a lot of these hopes and dreams during our courtship, or we wouldn’t have agreed to get married. I always try to use the word “trust” along with hope because hope without trust is just an empty dream and that can kill love faster than anything. We have to trust that we will realize our dreams as a couple “someday”—even if “someday” never comes! That is what keeps the marriage and the love alive through the blessings of the Holy Spirit.
Charity is probably the hardest virtue to accomplish in a marriage, because it always—ALWAYS—requires sacrifice. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, the sacrifices are small, but occasionally larger sacrifices have to be made for the good of the marriage. Remembering the sacrifice that Jesus made for all of us on the Cross can help encourage us in this regard. Charity can show itself in many ways, like preparing a special meal for our husband or wife even if we’ve had a hard day. Simply remembering to say, “I love you”, even when we’re not in the proper mood or disposition. The hardest part of the sacrifice is making it joyfully and without malice to our spouse.
There is no “Handbook of Marriage”. Every relationship is different but I guarantee that every relationship will grow stronger if we remember to keep faith (the Father), charity (the Son), and hope (the Holy Spirit) alive for as long as we live.
Now that she’s getting married, I want her (and the world) to know what I think has made my love for her Mom better and greater every day since we got married in the hopes that her marriage to Lorenzo becomes as strong and loving as ours is. Alicia’s wedding this Saturday has had me prayerfully considering my love for Marilyn (and thanking God for her!) in the past few weeks and why I think our marriage has been a happy one. I think it’s because we never approached it simply as just something a man and woman do when they “have feelings” for one another. Rather, we take our vows and the promises we made to each other and to God very seriously, even on those rare occasions when we do have disagreements or get mildly angry at one another.
The way I see it, the three virtues of faith, hope and charity are the cornerstone of any marriage in the Persons of the Trinity. Marilyn and I, either consciously or unconsciously (and “prodded” by the Holy Spirit), have used this foundation since day one.
In the Scriptures the relationship between God and God's people is often described in terms of a marriage. The early Christians, reflecting on Christ's love for us, also used this image. Christ and the Church embrace in mutual love and self-giving, even as do husband and wife (see, for example, Ephesians 5:21-33). "'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Faith is where it begins. Not only a faith in God, but in one another. We will each make mistakes—it’s what makes us human. The challenge in a marriage is to remember to give our partner the benefit of any doubts and believe that he is not acting out of selfishness but out of a concern for what is right for the union. The word “fidelity” is derived from “faith”. We sometimes forget that it takes three persons to make a marriage; a man, a woman, and God. That’s why Jesus elevated marriage to a Sacrament—bringing the Eternal Father into the relationship provides us (through prayer) with an arbiter to help us see more clearly the path back to agape love. That’s why including Him in the marriage is very important.
Hope is important to keep the flames of love alive. We each have to share our hopes and dreams often by speaking “with” one another instead of “at” one another. Obviously we already agreed a lot of these hopes and dreams during our courtship, or we wouldn’t have agreed to get married. I always try to use the word “trust” along with hope because hope without trust is just an empty dream and that can kill love faster than anything. We have to trust that we will realize our dreams as a couple “someday”—even if “someday” never comes! That is what keeps the marriage and the love alive through the blessings of the Holy Spirit.
Charity is probably the hardest virtue to accomplish in a marriage, because it always—ALWAYS—requires sacrifice. Sometimes, in fact most of the time, the sacrifices are small, but occasionally larger sacrifices have to be made for the good of the marriage. Remembering the sacrifice that Jesus made for all of us on the Cross can help encourage us in this regard. Charity can show itself in many ways, like preparing a special meal for our husband or wife even if we’ve had a hard day. Simply remembering to say, “I love you”, even when we’re not in the proper mood or disposition. The hardest part of the sacrifice is making it joyfully and without malice to our spouse.
There is no “Handbook of Marriage”. Every relationship is different but I guarantee that every relationship will grow stronger if we remember to keep faith (the Father), charity (the Son), and hope (the Holy Spirit) alive for as long as we live.
By the way, the date that Alicia and Lorenzo chose for their 1st day of a new life together happens to be the Memorial of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Who better to have as a reminder of unconditional love than the Immaculate Heart of the Mother of God? I hope (trust) that Our Blessed Mother will be a constant source of help and guidance to both of them (and Lily), and that she will continue to lead them to her Son. Amen.
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