My own little corner of heaven

I took a break yesterday from my Sunday routine of yard work, Mass, Eucharistic Minister at the hospital, and visiting Mom to take a “mini-retreat”. My intention was to go salmon fishing in the San Francisco bay, but the captain of the charter boat I usually hire each year called me to say that it would be a waste of my time and money to go out. The fish are simply not out there yet. So my back-up plan was to go golfing and practice so I don’t look like a complete doofus when my brother Dick, his wife Jane (yes, that’s true!) and I go golfing during his visit next week. I was going to go into the foothills and hit a few balls and enjoy God’s creation in the process.

I put the golf clubs in the car and headed off to Mass, intending to leave from the church to the course. During Mass, I made the decision I didn’t want to golf after all, but take advantage of the time I had to myself to just relax and pray. Then to spend some quality time with the family when they got home from their overnight stay at the cabin.

I started by going over the readings for last week and the coming week. When I got to last Saturday’s readings about the weeds and wheat growing together, it took me back to a conversation I had with Dad quite a few years ago. What a brilliantly simple man he was!

I was about 11 or 12 years old and we were out in the back yard working in the garden. He wanted me to help pull the weeds. There were some pretty flowers that he took really good care of in the flowerbeds around the house, but in the vegetable garden, he was pulling them out! So I asked him, “How do I know which is a weed, and which plant isn’t?” He replied, “If it isn’t what we planted, no matter how beautiful it is, it’s a weed, because it can take over the whole garden and the vegetables won’t grow or get as big as we want them to, so it doesn’t belong here.” Sin is like that. It can be quite beautiful and seductive, but it is never what God intended to be in His garden.

In the four Gospels, Jesus tells us of many ways that we have to choose between living joyfully with God forever and being forever separated from Him, in great pain over our loss.

The special spin that Jesus puts on this question of our choice is that we have a whole lifetime to make it in. God provides us with all that we need to choose Him and to make that choice concrete in our life rather than just a vague wish or orientation, and we must make that one central choice of our life in terms of the small daily choices that inch us closer to God or away from Him.

While the "harvesters" are able to tell the difference between the weeds and the wheat, we  must ordinarily remain in some uncertainly about whether we truly have chosen God enough, whether we have loved Him enough. Any certainty about whether we are "saved" or not can be a form of self-delusion and lead to pride, laziness, and a fatal assumption that we are "good enough." That sort of thing can be deadly in our human relationships, and it is no different in our relationship with God.

I simply do not know whether I am weed or wheat while I am alive, and the fact is that I am both --- but which is the dominant side of who I am? While I myself am responsible for the choice, it is up to God to decide what I have actually chosen. And that is where the virtue of hope comes in.


The kingdom of heaven starts small, as small as the smallest seed you can see. A still, quiet voice in the human heart, speaking and reminding us that God is always present. Sometimes there will be no sign of it on the outside. But within, there is the yearning, the striving for heaven here and now.


But no matter how small it starts, with gardening and attendance, paying attention to God and what is important, with the slightest care, the smallest amount of devotion, it can grow by leaps and bounds -- a seedling, a shrub, a bush, a tree. And when it has grown, when we've allowed it to take root, it has another supernatural property -- it summons, from every corner of the earth and sky, those who would join. People can see the blessing of it; people can feel its comforting presence. And they are drawn to it. They are drawn to the cool shade of it on a hot summer day.


When we allow grace to work, we allow the Kingdom of Heaven to take root. And this kingdom is not for us to hoard and enjoy alone. It has as its chief characteristic the need to be shared, the desire to grow to include everyone.


When you open yourself up to God, do not be surprised that others see it in you and start to want to be near you. Do not underestimate the ability God has given you to change your part of the world into a corner of heaven.

I enjoyed my “mini-retreat” and the time of reflection—no matter how short it was, but I missed more than I would have realized my weekly visit with Mom and visiting the sick at the hospital and bringing Jesus to them. It goes to show you that you never know what you’ll miss until you do—In this case, my duties as Eucharistic Minister (and son) create my own little “corner of heaven.”