I’ve been
trying for several weeks to get to the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation
(Confession) but work kept getting in the way.
And it seems the longer I stay away from this necessary sacrament of
confession, the easier it is to cave in to temptations. I finally told myself “enough is enough!” and
decided I couldn’t wait any longer. So I
checked the diocesan website and found a church that offered the Sacrament on
Thursday evenings at 7pm. At first, I
was hesitant because that’s relatively late and would not allow me time for
dinner. I determined that mind-set was
the devil trying to keep me away from the healing I desperately needed.
My workday
on Thursday seemed to drag on and on. I
guess I was anxious to bare my soul to Christ in the confessional. It didn’t escape my notice that the church is
the same church I was baptized in nearly 60 years ago. That really added to my anticipation. I made
plans to get to the church at 6:30 to say a rosary and examine my
conscience.
When I first
walked into the church, there was about 20 people already there. My thoughts went into overdrive. I decided to keep it positive. “Oh well, not
a problem-I’ll just be patient and make a good confession.” It was
extremely hot weather and the air conditioning was not on. “OK, Lord, I get it. I’m still going to do this. You did so much more for me, after all!” Then a group of musicians showed up with
their instruments. “You’re kidding,
Lord! Are you telling me I misread the time
for penance?” I was getting ready to
leave when another man shows up and starts addressing the crowd (about 50 or so
now) in Spanish. I had already recited
my rosary and examined my conscience. I
was sure this was going to be the most comprehensive confession I’ve ever made,
and here I was standing up ready to leave.
The man took notice of me and in a thick Spanish accent started
repeating in English what he had just told the others. I know it was for me specifically, because he
was looking right at me as he spoke. He
said he was sorry he was running late, but he would be staying as long as it
took to hear everyone’s confession.
Since he wasn’t wearing his collar, I had no idea he was the
priest! He went to the Sacristy and
brought the monstrance out. We had an
adoration service and recited the rosary (my second) in Spanish. Then as the musicians played and sang Mexican
spiritual songs in front of the Blessed Sacrament, the priest began hearing
confessions. After he heard my
confession I was so in awe of all that had transpired it didn’t occur to me
that it was after 9PM until my stomach said “FEED ME!” at the same time my soul was prompting me to
say “I will follow You wherever You go, Lord.” I am so weak in my faith. But…..
The Lord is
kind and merciful. God redeems our life
from destruction. However, this life
free from destruction may look very different than the life we would imagine. As Jesus tells us time and time again, a life
following Him will not follow general conventions about “the good life.” As Jesus teaches over and over again, we must
give up our focus on building our own lives to fit our own desires in order to
enter the abundant life that He wants us to enjoy with Him. The challenge each day is to be willing to
give up the place to lay our head and the burying of the dead that distracts us
from the greater purposes to which He is calling us. Yet we still do have day-to-day tasks that
are part of our calling and our life of love.
I know in my own life it’s easy to allow my days to become destructive
for myself and for those around me when I focus on the anxieties of tasks that
seem overwhelming and the need to have everything under control. I need to pray, today and every day, for help
in redeeming my life from this destruction – to help me to focus on love and
service rather than accomplishment and control.
I want to follow Jesus with abandon – whatever that means today.
How many
times have we prayed the words “I will follow You wherever You go, Lord.” (Matthew
8:19) in all sincerity from our hearts? Perhaps it was after a retreat, during a
period of crisis when we are praying for help, or the many times we have felt
the presence of Jesus close within us just as I felt after my confession last
week. Then what happens? We get busy; life's responsibilities pull us
in a multitude of directions. We step
out into the world and the culture of the times is often counter to the
teachings of Christ. It’s easier to just
"go with the flow" and then retreat back to our safe haven at home. It’s almost like living two lives!
The hard
reality is to recall that, as Christians, we are meant to bear Christ wherever
we go. There is never a vacation from
being a Christian once we have said that we will follow Christ. We have the responsibility to serve by our own
examples, by our actions and words. We
cannot remain silent when we see injustices and misinformation. It means staying informed about our
faith-beliefs and what is happening in our local and national spheres. It is a big responsibility, but also a
privilege. We don’t go alone, as God is
always with us.
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