The cycle of life

 

Endings and beginnings.  It’s the cycle of life.  I never do very well with endings and beginnings.  I’m pretty resistant to change and endings and beginnings always mean change.  And yet Lent is a season where we anticipate the greatest of all endings and beginnings.  A time that’s supposed to be life changing.  The death and resurrection of Christ.

Studying scripture can be frustrating.  For instance, take the Gospel I reflected on today [Matthew 26:14-25].  It’s like someone walked into the Upper Room and took a snapshot of Jesus and the disciples.  From this snapshot we must try to discern motives, desires, feelings, plans.  And I’ve often wondered about Judas.  Could he have repented?  Could he have changed his mind?  Was he simply greedy?  Was he trying to force Jesus’ divine hand?  Was Judas’ betrayal part of the atonement plan and essential to Christ’s death and resurrection?  I don’t know.  I do know that even if we love Christ, we can still make mistakes and do horrible things.  I think of Peter.  Peter loved Jesus and yet denied Him three times.  So, why does one man become the leader of the early church and one hangs himself in despair?  Perhaps it has to do with repentance and acceptance of God’s love and forgiveness.  Perhaps it’s recognizing that, in an ending, there is always the opportunity for a beginning.

There are times all of us betray Jesus.  We don't have lives that are as honest as we want.  We gossip and spread stories, stories that “won't really hurt anyone.”  We spend too many minutes in church evaluating the dress or beliefs of others.  We refuse to forgive those who have wronged us, and we carry our un-forgiving anger like a badge of honor.  We speak to our spouses and family members sharply and without the extra love and care that their role in our lives deserves.

Judas' worst decision was believing he could not be forgiven.  All of us are forgiven, always. Jesus loves us with our full range of sins.  We forget because we focus on ourselves and our sins, rather than on Jesus.  We can get wrapped up in our own guilt and our own sense of the importance of our sins.  We become blind to Jesus kneeling next to us, washing our feet and loving us from the deepest part of his heart.

Lent is a mixed season for me.  It contains both sadness (an ending) and joy (a beginning).  Sadness at the story of Jesus’ betrayal.  Sadness knowing that Jesus is headed to the cross.  Sadness that Christ’s life will end.  But there’s also comfort, hope and joy.  Joy that Christ loves me enough to lay his life down for me.  Comfort in knowing that, if I repent, Christ can forgive my sins.  Joy in the knowledge of the resurrection.  My prayer is that everyone’s Lenten season would be meaningful and contain some sadness and joy.