In our very flawed, very human way, we are all too ready to look upon the failings of others than we are to look in the mirror and see our own.
One of the things Jesus tells us is to purify ourselves, to see ourselves for what we really are. It is only by knowing ourselves thoroughly that we can begin to know and understand others. We have so much bombarding our senses in our culture today. Our thoughts go outward in response to these auditory and visual stimuli. “Smart phones” have made us anything but. We ponder the news, listen to music, read and watch too much television. While these activities are worthwhile to a limited degree, they can cut into our time for quiet self-reflection. We might not be in touch with our innermost thoughts. We might not realize our tendencies to react inappropriately, such as by judging others.
We should evaluate how much time we are setting aside from the noises and harmonies of life to set our own house in order. One of the reasons we are so willing to accuse others is that we know so little about ourselves. More often than not what enrages or irritates us about another is our own flaws that we know about but do nothing to correct; we’d rather deflect attention away from ourselves. Jesus offers the remedy for this: self-awareness. And it is in this self-awareness that empathy and sympathy for the sinner grows. It is in understanding our own sinfulness that we become aware of the splendor of the love of God. By looking in the mirror and seeing our sins, we learn the compassion of Jesus. Frequent examination of my conscience and the great Sacrament of Confession has been a great source of comfort to me in these trying times.
Leading others to God rarely begins with haranguing them about their sins and weaknesses. Although this is sometimes the ploy one must use on the most hardened cases—those who appear to take pleasure in leading others to join them in their sins. More often than not, we open the hardened heart of a sinner by sitting and listening without judging, without trying to fix all the problems we are hearing.
In short, the solution begins with unconditional love, prayer and compassion. And this awareness of our own sinfulness teaches us compassion and unconditional love.
Jesus presents us with an ideal we must strive for. He also presents us with the consequences if we do not strive for this ideal. Forgive and be forgiven. Both must be desired and sought after.
When forgiveness is properly understood, it’s much easier to desire, give and receive. When it’s not properly understood, forgiveness can be seen as a confusing and heavy burden and, therefore, as something undesirable.
Perhaps the greatest challenge to the act of forgiving another is the sense of “justice” that can appear to be lost when forgiveness is given. This is especially true when forgiveness is offered to someone who fails to ask forgiveness. On the contrary, when one does ask for forgiveness, and expresses true remorse, it is much easier to forgive and to abandon the feeling that the offender should “pay” for what was done. But when there is a lack of sorrow on the part of the offender, this leaves what can feel like a lack of justice if forgiveness is offered. This can be a difficult feeling to overcome by ourselves.
It’s important to note that forgiving another does not excuse their sin. Forgiveness does not mean that the sin did not happen or that it is OK that it happened. Rather, forgiving another does the opposite. Forgiving actually points to the sin, acknowledges it and makes it a central focus. This is important to understand. By identifying the sin that is to be forgiven, and then forgiving it, justice is done in a supernatural way. Justice is fulfilled by mercy. And the mercy offered has an even greater effect on the one offering mercy than the one it is offered to.
By offering mercy for the sin of another, we become freed of the effects of their sin. Mercy is a way for God to remove this hurt from our lives and free us to encounter His mercy all the more by the forgiveness of our own sins for which we could never deserve on our own effort.
It’s also important to note that forgiving another does not necessarily result in reconciliation. Reconciliation between the two can only happen when the offender accepts the forgiveness offered after humbly admitting their sin. This humble and purifying act satisfies justice on a whole new level and enables these sins to be transformed into grace. And once transformed, they can even go so far as to deepen the bond of love between the two.
Maybe today, we can reflect upon the person we most need to forgive. Who is it and what have they done that has offended me? Don’t be afraid to offer the mercy of forgiveness and don’t hesitate in doing so. The mercy we offer brings forth the justice of God in a way that we could never accomplish by our own efforts. This act of forgiving also frees us from the burden of that sin and enables God to forgive us of our sins.
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