The nourishment of Christ

“After recalling the Apostles, they had them flogged, ordered them to stop speaking in the name of Jesus, and dismissed them.  So they left the presence of the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been found worthy to suffer dishonor for the sake of the name.  And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes, they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Christ, Jesus.”  (Acts 5: 40-42)

What did those apostles eat for breakfast that morning?  Wheaties weren’t invented yet!  Was there some special food they ate that suddenly gave them such courage?  In the Acts of the Apostles we see the same friends of Jesus who had cowered in the upper room in the days after the crucifixion.  But now they’re bold and speak out with such courage on the steps of the temple, even rejoicing when they are whipped by the religious authorities for “proclaiming the good news of Jesus, the Messiah.”  (Acts 5: 17-42)

Most of us can identify with the apostles in the earlier gospel stories because they seem so human: running in fear, asking dumb questions, and bickering among themselves.  But now, all of a sudden, where did this courage come from?  What happened to their terror?  Who rejoices in being whipped?

The answer is in the Gospel, where we read the story of the loaves and fishes, and the feeding of the five thousand (John 6: 1-15).  When this huge throng of people kept following Jesus, out of town, around the shore of the sea and up the mountain, they trusted that somehow, they would be fed.  They came unprepared, knowing only that they had to listen to what He taught them.  And He loved them with tender care.  He fed them so lavishly with the simple food at hand that there were twelve baskets left over.  He showed them how to pray, how to give thanks to God and how to trust.

Maybe that’s the special breakfast the apostles had that day they were released.  It might have been nothing more than gathering together and praying in the morning, telling each other stories, remembering “the time Jesus fed the crowd of five thousand and wanted us to trust Him…?”  Maybe what they remembered was how many times Jesus has said to them – and us – “I will be with you; do not be afraid.”  Why is that such a difficult lesson for us to learn?

Jesus asks us to trust in Him and some of us balk at it.  I suspect that deep down, I think I could do better on my own, without having to trust in Jesus or anyone else.  Such arrogance has me hiding in the upper room of my soul, afraid and unwilling to be fed by Jesus in the meal He so lavishly serves for me.

Help me, Jesus.  Teach me to trust in You.  Feed me with Your words and let me believe in the trust and courage You offer me.  Help me to stand on the front steps of the temple and proclaim the good news, side by side with Your apostles.  I know You love me and all of my fearful weaknesses, just as You loved the apostles as they shook with fear.  Teach me as You taught them.  Let me be aware and awake as You touch my life, my soul and heal me of my fears.