When my
daughter Alicia was in 2nd or 3rd grade, she came to me and asked me a
not-so-simple question: “Daddy, how come you and Mom don’t argue and fight like
a lot of the other kids’ parents?” I
told her it was because we love each other very much and didn’t have much to
argue about. That settled it. I didn’t ever have to answer the question
again—at least for her benefit.
My
reflection today on the second luminous mystery of the rosary (The Wedding at
Cana) brought this memory to the forefront of my mind and had me prayerfully
considering my love for Marilyn (and thanking God for her!) Not to
brag, but I think our marriage is a happy one, and has been for the last fifty
years this October. I think it’s because
we never approach it simply as just something a man and woman do when they
“have feelings” for one another. Rather,
we take our vows and the promises we made to each other and to God very
seriously, even on those rare occasions when we do have disagreements or get
mildly angry at one another.
The way I
see it, the three cardinal virtues of faith, hope and charity are the
cornerstone of any marriage in the Persons of the Trinity. Marilyn and I, either consciously or
unconsciously (and “prodded” by the Holy Spirit), have used this foundation
since day one.
In the
Scriptures the relationship between God and God's people is often described in
terms of a marriage. The early Christians, reflecting on Christ's love for us,
also used this image. Christ and the
Church embrace in mutual love and self-giving, even as do husband and wife
(see, for example, Ephesians 5:21-33). "'For this reason a man will leave his
father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh.' This is a great mystery, and I
am applying it to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Faith is
where marriage begins. Not only a faith
in God, but in one another. We will each
make mistakes—it’s what makes us human. The
challenge in a marriage is to remember to give our partner the benefit of any
doubts and believe that he isn’t acting out of selfishness but out of a concern
for what is right for the union. The
word “fidelity” is derived from “faith”. We sometimes forget that it takes three
persons to make a marriage: a man, a woman, and God. That’s why Jesus elevated marriage to a
Sacrament—bringing the Eternal Father into the relationship provides us
(through prayer) with an arbiter to help us see more clearly the path back to
agape love. That’s why including Him in
the marriage is very important.
Hope is
important to keep the flames of love alive. We each have to share our hopes and dreams
often by speaking “with” one another instead of “at” one another. Obviously we already agreed a lot of these
hopes and dreams during our courtship, or we wouldn’t have agreed to get
married. I always try to use the word
“trust” along with hope because hope without trust is just an empty dream and
that can kill love faster than anything. We have to trust that we will realize our
dreams as a couple “someday”—even if “someday” never comes! That’s what keeps the marriage and the love
alive through the blessings of the Holy Spirit.
Charity is
probably the hardest virtue to accomplish in a marriage because it
always—ALWAYS—requires sacrifice. Sometimes,
in fact most of the time, the sacrifices are small, but occasionally larger
sacrifices have to be made for the good of the marriage. Remembering the sacrifice that Jesus made for
all of us on the Cross can help encourage us in this regard. Charity can show itself in many ways, like
preparing a special meal for our husband or wife even if we’ve had a hard day. Simply remembering to say, “I love you”, even
when we’re not in the proper mood or disposition. The hardest part of the sacrifice is making it
joyfully and without malice to our spouse.
There is no
“Handbook of Marriage”. Every
relationship is different, but I guarantee that every relationship will grow
stronger if we remember to keep faith (the Father), hope (the Son), and charity
(the Holy Spirit) alive for as long as we live.
Now that I’ve
given a rather long meditation on the mystery, I’ll continue my Lenten project
of posting a brief meditation and a scriptural meditation for each of the
mysteries, with a special focus on recognizing the Highs and Lows and Ups and
Downs of the Most Holy Rosary.
The luminous
mysteries:
II. The Wedding at Cana
Brief
meditation:
Jesus caused
quite a stir at Cana when He changed the water into wine. Jesus worked this sign and others to
strengthen our faith in His divine mission. John the evangelist writes that Jesus “let his glory be seen, and his disciples believed in him” (John 2:11). At
special times, such as at His Baptism, as well as in this “first sign” at Cana
and at the Transfiguration, the divine glory shines through brightly. We get a glimpse of God’s light and saving
presence breaking into our world. And when Mary tells Jesus, “They have no
wine,” she seems to be causing something else—besides the changing of water
into wine—to happen as well. She’s very
much like a mother bird nudging her fledgling to take that first flight from the nest.
Scriptural
meditation:
1. There was a marriage in Cana of Galilee.
Jesus’ mother was there (John 2:1)-Hail Mary…
2. Jesus also was invited, with his disciples,
to the marriage. When the wine ran out,
Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no wine.” (John 2:2-3)-Hail Mary…
3. Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does that
have to do with you and me? My hour has
not yet come.” (John 2:4)-Hail Mary…
4. His mother said to the attendants, “Do
whatever he tells you.” (John 2:5)-Hail Mary…
5. Now six stone water-jars were placed there,
after the Jewish manner of purification [each holding two or three measures
(20-30 gallons)] (John 2:6)-Hail Mary…
6. Jesus said to them, “Fill the jars with
water.” And they filled them to the brim. (John 2:7)-Hail Mary…
7. And Jesus said to them, “Now draw from it,
and carry it to the chief steward of the feast.” And they took it to him. (John 2:8)-Hail Mary…
8. Then, when the chief steward had tasted the
water made into wine, since he did not know where it was from, for only the
servants who had drawn the water knew, the chief steward called the bridegroom.
(John 2:9)-Hail Mary…
9. And he said to him, “Everyone serves the good
wine first, and when the guests have drunk freely, then that which is worse. But You have kept the
good wine until now!” (John 2:10)-Hail Mary…
10. This was the beginning of the signs that
Jesus accomplished in Cana of Galilee, and it
manifested his glory, and his disciples believed in him. (John 2:11)-Hail
Mary…
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