During Lent, the matter of sin – our own as well as the
sins of others -- seems nearer to us than in other seasons of the Church
year. Our self-examination finds us
wanting and in need of forgiveness. In
the process of discovering our own sin, we may also find ourselves smarting
from wounds over the past year – perhaps longer – which come from the wrongs of
others. Being disrespected or devalued
is part of the journey, yet it is an experience we never get used to.
A few years ago, a friend came to me to apologize for
something he had done that had caused me no small measure of distress. As a ‘born-again’
serious Christian, he was following his faith-formed conscience in this matter.
It wasn’t an easy thing for him, and
frankly it wasn’t easy for me, either. But we both knew that a conversation needed to
happen, as neither of us wanted to rupture our relationship.
Within this process, my friend told me that he was sorry
about the harm he had caused, and he was also sorry that he put me in the
difficult position of granting forgiveness.
Even to this day, I’m still affected by this insight. Unforgiveness is a vexing fault that can be so
difficult to overcome. Our pride gets in
the way of releasing others. Perhaps we
like to use their wrongs to restock our supply of self-righteousness. By using scales stacked in our favor, we come
out looking pretty good to ourselves!
But we also know from experience that this is a false reassurance that
doesn’t really heal our wounds or free us in any lasting way. Despite our knowledge, it can still be hard
to give up that wrong.
We often don’t deserve wrongs or injustices that come our
way. But when they do come, harboring
unforgiveness can become a serious barrier to receiving the good in our
lives. Surely Matthew’s Gospel shows us
this point (Matthew 18:21-35). When we focus too much on the wrongs of
others, we can lose sight of the good that we have received, just like the
debtor in the story. Conversely, when we do wrong to another, the
wound we have caused may be greater than we realize. Will those we have harmed be able to muster
forgiveness?
In this Lenten season, as we seek to understand our own
faults, it’s good also to seek to know and experience the depth and power of
God’s love and forgiveness, so that we won’t be bound by our wrongs or the
wrongs of others.
This is not an easy thing.
But it is our faith.
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