How many times?

 

There’s something about the human condition that seeks the security and certainty of boundaries.  If exact expectations are known and achieved, then one can feel safe and even validated.  Little kids want to know exactly how many peas they have to eat so they can be done and move on to dessert.   Teens want to know exactly what time curfew is and how much flexibility is to be had.  The attitude is basically "If you tell me what to do and I do just that, then I can’t be blamed or held responsible for failure or wrongdoing".   As the Apostle Peter asked Jesus, "How many times must I forgive my brother?" (Matthew 18:21-35)

Laws and regulations, do’s and don’ts, are important in the development of the consciences of children and young people and for their general well-being.  But there comes a time in adult life when one can’t always depend on externals – laws, regulations, restrictions, penalties and rewards – to determine actions.  One must look within to an interior sense of what’s right and wrong, good and bad.  "How many times must I forgive?" becomes "Follow the example of goodness and do what you think is best."

In asking his question of "how many times", Peter was asking for the certainty of a number, for the requirements and boundaries of a law, not more or less.  He wanted to forgive enough but not too much or too little.  Jesus didn’t answer with a specific number or a law but in typical fashion, with a story.  And this story essentially said to follow the example of forgiveness and love shown by one to another.  Beyond the law, we must look into our heart to decide how to treat others with the kindness that has been given to us.  The king set an example by forgiving one official large debt.   And that official broke no law and was within his rights by demanding payment of a lesser debt owed to him.  But he was nevertheless soundly condemned because of his hardness of heart and refusal to follow the example of the kindness of the king toward himself.   To be right isn’t always to be good.

Maybe Lent is a time to reflect on our own dependence on external laws and directives rather than on an inner sense of goodness and love.  Like Peter, do we ask how much (or how little) must we do?  Or do we follow the example of Jesus who was willing to hold back nothing in His self-giving to all of humanity?