The freedom of complete love

The readings for this week keep revealing to us the depths of the mystery of God's love for us, and how freeing that love can be for our hearts and our living.

There is a powerful invitation here. To let God's love not only touch us but to LIVE IN US. When God's love remains in us - makes its home within us - then every day is different. The stuff that used to pre-occupy our hearts is replaced by this love of God. And, God's love occupying the center of our hearts begins to shape how we feel, how we react and respond to others. When we encounter the foolishness of others or even the cruelty of others, we respond the way God does. We feel sad that this person or these persons are broken somehow and we feel compassion and love for them - not because they have earned love, but because they need love. The instinct to defend ourselves or to strike back or to hold on to a hurt - often motivated by fear - is literally driven out by God's love in us.
In Wednesday’s gospel we heard the story of the disciples and how they were terrified at seeing the Lord walk toward them on the water. After they had recognized Him and He joined them in the boat they were amazed, but yet their hearts were hardened.

The disciples of Jesus experienced the encounter between the human Jesus, they had come to know, and the power of God. Jesus didn't come to make sure that this lake would never have another storm on it, let alone that all bad weather would be taken away. Jesus came to offer us the confidence in Him that would allow us to place our trust in God - as Jesus did.

From time to time, we have experiences that are incredibly "storm-like." We feel "at sea," far from the shore and it feels like our ship is taking on water and could capsize at any moment. The fundamental fear is that we are simply out of control of situations. Nothing we can do, no resource we have at our disposal, can make it better. We feel hopeless and at times the panic of it all takes over.

During my adoration last night, I was reading today’s gospel and a line from that gospel, “About the fourth watch of the night…” reminded me of my own experience on July 5, 2000 (has it really been almost 10 years ago?) that was incredibly “storm-like” and fearful.

That’s the morning when “at the fourth watch” two men broke the door down to the motel room I was staying in and, while one of the men held a gun at my head, the other started stuffing everything he could find of value into a pillowcase. The guy with the gun was also busy ripping the watch off of my wrist and searching for my wallet (he didn’t find it, as I had kept it in the car that night—Providence?). I was frozen in fear. The stories you hear of a life flashing before your eyes when in imminent danger of death are true, at least they were for me in this incident. I discovered that I too was “hard of heart” when it came to understanding Jesus’ role in my life.

We need to let the story in the gospel touch our hearts. When Jesus sees his disciples' terror, He gives them courage by reminding them that He is near and therefore, they have nothing to fear. The invitation to us is to place our trust in Him - today and in every storm we encounter.

To be clear, Jesus doesn't promise that every burden will be lifted or that everyone in our life will be nice, all the time. He doesn't promise us that we, or our loved ones won't experience terrible things, even death itself. His promise is that His love can drive out our fear - our sense of powerlessness, our sense that we are all alone in this.

And, when we barely believe we can trust so completely in His love, it usually means we have failed to understand the meaning of the miracle of the loaves (that we read on Tuesday) for us today. Jesus is with us as food for our journey, as "Bread that gives life," as the "Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world." Jesus' self-sacrificing love teaches us to surrender to the Father's redemption of all from the power of sin and death. The food we receive in His being broken and given for us is the gift of eternal life and gives us an example for and nourishment to love others as we have been loved.

Contrast the disciples (and me) in fear with the message from John’s letter this week, where he tells us that God is love and there is no fear in love. This is one of the same men who was terrified in the boat, whose heart was hardened and who is now telling us we have nothing to fear! What a difference from one scene to the next.

It took the disciples some time to really understand who Jesus was and what He was doing. The Spirit took His time working and softening their hearts until they had achieved complete understanding. And once they had this understanding they began to spread the gospel to the far corners of the world.

I am still struggling to understand completely what the Lord has in mind for me before He calls me home, but I think if the robbery were to happen again today it would not be as terrifying for me because of a stronger faith and better Sacramental life than I had then. I know Jesus (and His Blessed Mother) is there and “has my back.”

I believe this is something that happens to all of us over the course of our lives in Christ, although maybe not as dramatically. What we once feared (death), we come to understand and it is through His eternal love that fear is driven out and we live in peace.