OK, it has to be a test. But it's a test with a study session. I couldn't wait to get to Our Lady of Mount Carmel church to go to confession tonight. And even though I wrote early this morning that I was sure the Holy Spirit wouldn't let me down tonight, I wasn't able to completely trust in His providence, so I drove down early to make sure someone would be there. I felt much better after finding out they are doing a complete face-lift to the outside of the church and that there was a team of painters there who were setting up lights to work by. This told me that they would be working into the night.
I went back to the apartment to grab a bite to eat and clean up before returning for confession. My soul lit up at the sight of about 20 cars outside the church. This was a good indication that everything was going as I planned it. Did you get that? I said as I planned it! This is where I think the Holy Spirit nudged me in the side tonight. When I entered the church, there was a wedding rehearsal going on! This is really not unusual, so I didn't think anything of it. I found a pew and decided to say my rosary in this (beautiful, by the way) church where I was baptized while waiting for Father to show up. A few more families trickled in until there were about 30 people waiting for confession. I appeared to be the only non-Hispanic in the building and no one was speaking English. I have been to enough Spanish services lately that this doesn't bother or intimidate me. In fact, I marvel at how the Mexican people bring even their very small children with them to church no matter what the occasion. It is very heart-warming to me. It shows a devotion I'll probably never get close to.
Anyway, I waited until 8pm and tried to participate in what I finally figured out was the Divine Mercy Chaplet, Stations of the Cross, and the holy Rosary in Spanish before it dawned on me that Father was not going to show up for some reason. Again, while I understand that priests are often called away at the last minute to attend to the sick and dying, I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to confess and do penance again!
I was even a little "put out" that MY plans were thwarted again, until it hit me--I think our Lord wanted me to spend even more time on my examination of concience, because if I think the world is going to revolve around MY plans, maybe I'm not ready to receive His graces yet. So I'll wait until Saturday and go when I'm better prepared and a lot more disposed to make a GOOD confession to my regular confessor, not after working all day and in a state of exhaustion.
Imagine my shame again at my reaction to my change of plans when I got back to the apartment and reflected on tomorrow's gospel!
In the gospel of Mark (12:28-34) a young man asks Jesus which is the first of the commandments. It’s kind of a double-edged question. He is asking first, which is the most important of the commandments and secondly, from which commandment do the rest flow in proper order and sequence.
The first commandment, Jesus answers, is to love God with everything that you are. And the second commandment, which springs from the first, is to love your neighbor as yourself. You cannot accomplish the second of these without doing the first. And you will know that you are properly loving God when love of neighbor flows as naturally as milk from a carton. Loving your neighbor is the second of the commandments because it is so much a sign and a part of the first.
Loving God with all that you are, however, always begins with asking God for the strength to love Him. We accomplish little by ourselves and being human, our love of God quickly fades away if it is not renewed by the supernatural strength of God Himself.
So, in a very few words, Jesus instructs us on how to make heaven on Earth: (1) love God with all that you are, and (2) love your neighbor as you love yourself. Obey these two commandments and all that is required of us is fulfilled. It’s easy enough, if you count on God, not yourself, as your strength, your song, your authority – otherwise it’s impossible. God alone suffices. You don't need to make the plans, you just need to work with the plan He's already laid out for us.
I hope it's a lesson I learn sooner rather than later.
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